Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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