I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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