Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize
