its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
