I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He has the fingertips of a God
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