I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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