You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
