If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
