Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
