She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
