How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
