I'd wear matching sweaters with you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize