I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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