The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
