Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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