ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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