matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
