at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Dear god my vagina.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
