i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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