Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize