Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to fling myself into the sun
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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