If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
