If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Life is so much better after having sex.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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