He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
