I think im going to throw up on grandma
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
