Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize