Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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