Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My ass is underappreciated
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
