I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
