I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
