when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize