my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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