I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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