Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
