Just fell off a train. Bad.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
