You can't motorboat a personality
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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