Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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