He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
