What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
