I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
