Don't you send me to vm
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
my poor anus
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
