We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
