Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I FOUND THE LEGS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
