Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How's work?
Spinning.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
