just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
