i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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