also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
