yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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