Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
not ubering you a puppy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
