the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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