I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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