they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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