Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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