I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
