I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
