i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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