I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
