dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
