all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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