I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
