He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
