It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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