I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
