It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
