Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
