I think I am morally bankrupt
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize