Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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