Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
