..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
