did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
