I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize