Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
