just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Your cock deserves a montage
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
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