my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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