where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My first STD was from a foam party
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
