I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
