Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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